The Sacred Mess: How a Broken Water Tank Brought My Power Back

There are moments in life when everything feels like too much. When you’ve already walked through heartbreak, loss, and deep spiritual transformation — and just when you think you might finally get a break, the universe hands you another mess to clean up. 

That’s where I found myself recently. In my new apartment on the island that called me home, after weeks of grieving and surviving, I was ready to settle in. To finally exhale. To build something new. And then came the Wi-Fi problems. Then my coffee machine broke down. Then came the water pipe leak in my solar panel. On Easter Sunday. Feeling alone. In a foreign country. With no one immediately available to help. 

And for hours, I waited for help without the running water — spiraling between quiet frustration and loud desperation. It wasn’t just the water. It was everything it represented. 

I had already walked through fire, and part of me was shouting to the universe: 

“Why?!? Why NOW this? Why ME again?! Why, universe? Why!!”

The Breakdown or the Breakthrough?

But what if — buried inside that chaos — there was a gift? A gift that forced me to see why I still kept attracting struggle in my life, even though I thought every single bit of that had already been squeezed out of me during the past three years of spiritual roller coasters and dark nights of the soul.

And yes — it turned out that broken solar tank wasn’t the breakdown. It was the breakthrough. It helped me release yet another layer of the old belief that “life needs to be suffering” — a belief that, even though I had done so much inner work, it seemed there was still some of it left.

From Daily Struggle to Personal Power

In this post, I want to take you into the heart of that day. Not because it was dramatic or unique — but because it was deeply human. Because I want to show you how even the smallest daily struggles can become a portal — a gateway to release old patterns and energies that no longer serve us.

But it requires awareness. It requires choosing to not just fix the external — but to pause, feel, and heal the internal.

And once we do that…

Struggle becomes transformation. And transformation becomes reclamation. 

When you’re ready to face or release an old and dysfunctional energy or thought, the universe will make sure it happens. Sometimes it happens just like it did for me — one broken machine after another.

Below, I share my genuine feelings and journal entries from that day — written in the middle of the chaos. 

And how that very chaos eventually led to inner insight and release of the old.

******************

💔 A Raw Letter to the Universe – from the Edge 💌

(The private journal from the morning from that day)

Dear Universe,
Dear Life,
Dear whatever is out there —

WHY?

Why do I keep getting hit with one thing after another?
Why can’t anything just be simple for once?

I’ve done the work.
I’ve walked through grief, cracked open my heart, lost the love of my life,
held myself together in pieces, trusted when I had nothing left to hold onto.

I’ve said yes to guidance. I’ve listened to signs. I’ve followed the numbers, the whispers, the pull of my soul. I moved. I surrendered. I gave up everything I thought I knew — again and again.

And now?

Now I sit in an apartment YOU and my soulmate guided me to — without water.
Without Wi-Fi.
Without my health.
Alone. On Easter. While people around me are laughing, living, celebrating.

And I’m still just… waiting.
Again.
Always waiting.

Do you see me?
Do you care?
How much more do you expect me to carry before I just break completely?

I’m not asking for perfection. I’m not even asking for magic anymore.
I just want a day where I don’t have to fix something, solve something, survive something. Just one fu…..g day where I can breathe. Where I can feel peace.
Where I can go outside without worrying that everything will fall apart while I’m gone.

I’m tired of learning.
I’m tired of growing.
I’m tired of transforming.

I WANT TO LIVE.

Show me that I’m not just some warrior constantly being forged in fire.

Signed,

A woman who is breaking, and who is begging you now — no more tests. Let me rest.

****************

From Victimhood to Insight

But then… I became aware of what I was doing. The complaining. The victimhood. The “why me?” loop that was only causing more suffering. I started asking a new question:

“What is it in me that still keeps attracting constant struggle?”

It was a turning point. Because I realized: This wasn’t about water. It wasn’t about Wi-Fi. It wasn’t about coffee.

It was about energy. It had nothing to do with the external. It was all about the internal. And that question changed everything.

The Outer World Reflects the Inner

I realized that part of me was still stuck in alarm mode. Still bracing for the next thing to go wrong. My nervous system, shaken from grief and endless “survival mode,” was still trying to protect me — even when I no longer needed protecting. I kept attracting one problem after another with my energy.  

So I sat on the floor. I wrapped myself in presence. Placed my hand on my heart. Let myself feel the sadness and cried. And I said:

No more struggle. No more suffering.
I’ve seen enough of that side of life.
Now it’s time for ease.
Now it’s time for joy.
Now it’s time to receive.

I claim it NOW.

I am ready to be held.
I am ready to be loved without survival.
I am ready for peace to be my normal.
I have walked through fire — now show me the light.

And I reminded my nervous system:

“You are safe now. You are safe now. You are safe now.”

Instant Energy Shift from the Presence

And then… I rose. After 10 hours without running water. After hearing from my landlord (who was kindly trying to help me), that the plumber may have gone to sleep…— Something clicked.

No. Not this time.
No more waiting.
No more helplessness.
No more being the one who “just takes it.”

So I grabbed the phone and I tried to reach out the plumber myself. The old version of me would’ve been anxious, afraid, frozen — especially calling someone on Easter Sunday, in Greek, not knowing if they’d even understand me.

But I did it.

I spoke in my few Greek words. And he understood.

He came!

Even if it was only a temporary fix — it was enough. And it came with friendly service on top! Suddenly, I had running water again.

But more importantly — I had my personal power again. 

Daily Mess Can Be The Best Teacher

That day was so much more than a broken pipe. It was the moment I stopped leaking my own power… and started pouring it back into myself. I was so proud of myself for having the courage to call and speak a bit of Greek to ask for help. It was also the day I gave my body finally permission to release the tension. Permission to let go of the constant challenges.

We often think of transformation as something grand — something that happens on mountaintops, during retreats, in flashes of enlightenment or through big life events. But more often than not, it begins in the middle of an everyday breakdown — when suddenly there’s no running water, Wi-Fi is not working, no fresh coffee to drink and your patience is gone.

In those moments, ask yourself:

• How do I react?
• What story am I repeating?
• What energy might I be unconsciously carrying?
• If I can’t accept the situation anymore, can I change it?

Because when you pause… listen…and act…

Chaos turns out to be an important tool for inner transformation and personal growth.

And then?

The external fixes itself, too. 😊💧 

💕🫶
Johanna

And this…is where the new chapter physically begins. Still tender. Still uncertain. But held -in light, in presence and in my own power. 💫